11:11

Make a wish.

Tap the tip of your nose eleven times, counting out loud, whilst your eyes wander in panic in search of something red to touch. Your feet have to fly slightly above the ground. Do not let them fall until 11:12. There! An old pencil with red writing on it. Take it. You have done it a million times before. Eighteen seconds left to make a wish.

Make a wish. Wish for health or peace or serenity. Wish for your parents to get you the cardigan you saw online five minutes ago or for your best friend to come out of the hospital or for your boyfriend to love you. Wish for a better room, one you feel at home in. Wish for the end. Close your eyes. Let the thought sink in:

                          It is not enough.

11:13

Now, bathe in your feeling of accomplishment. Your insanity has saved you once again from the world. 60 seconds.

Do not open your eyes. No. Not yet. Not ever again. Let the darkness turn into swirls of colours, promising you a treacherous fresh start. A hallucination full of ideals and glasses out of roses and hearts that stay whole and smiles. Oh, the smiles.

                                                                        NO                                          NO.

Do not smile. People could suspect something. They are not to be trusted. Do not show your emotions. They will (!) use them against you.

Find comfort in your loneliness.

Find fearlessness in forbidden faults.

Trust 11:11

12:11

A text from your friend: “almost 12:12”. This time you are better prepared. The old pencil with the red writing is already in your hand. You sit on a chair. You count down the seconds.

Do not worry if you have already forgotten what you wished for 6o minutes ago. It is not enough. You have changed since then. You are ready to send the universe another message.

12:12

Make a wish. Wish for health or peace or insanity. Wish for the A on the assignment you turned in last week or for your headphones to appear again or for the climate to change a bit less today.

            DOES IT MATTER?

                        Wish for a better room, one you do not want to flee. Wish for the end. Close your eyes. Let the thought sink in:

                         It will never be enough.

                                                                        Open your eyes

                                                                                                                                     if you aren’t afraid.

You will see a single eyelash on the back of your hand.

© Anna Diedrichsen 2023